That it's not in the AD voice is no problem, since you still did a good job with the characters. I think you got the feel for it if it were not a comedy that has a huge emphasis on structures that really can't be translated into another medium. If that makes any sense. If it doesn't, it's sufficient to know that I'm trying to compliment you here and focus on the following, more traditional feedback.
Favourite snippets are those already pointed out: entire first paragraph (because it's so Lindsay and Tobias); It would be the last straw, if Maeby wasn't sure the last straw had come along years ago and she just hadn't noticed, had just kept going on; the halfway kiss because GM/Maeby is just oh-so-sweet for all that it's cousin lovin'.
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dancing_serpent
(no subject)
Date: 2005-04-25 06:20 pm (UTC)Favourite snippets are those already pointed out: entire first paragraph (because it's so Lindsay and Tobias); It would be the last straw, if Maeby wasn't sure the last straw had come along years ago and she just hadn't noticed, had just kept going on; the halfway kiss because GM/Maeby is just oh-so-sweet for all that it's cousin lovin'.